Thanks to you and you, but not you
By CARRIE OLSON Daily Freeman-Journal Staff WriterArticle Photos
The time has come to give thanks for all that we are grateful for. It's a time for reflection, to ponder life's great gifts.
Many of us will become gluttons for feasting, gorging ourselves with pre-made bountiful harvest. We will watch the cranberry gelatin slide out of its can and watch the cylinder-form shimmy on to a platter. Perhaps there will be the unbuttoning of pants for comfort, while the ever-present warm glow of the television shows a football game or racing.
Oh holiday splendor.
But let us all remember to give our thanks. (I will - with a dose of humor, of course.)
I bow my head to Arby's new $5.01 menu. A roast beef sandwich almost too beautiful to behold, piping hot au jus sauce, curly fries that linger on the tongue and a soft drink. The real American beauty.
To Speidi, to the Housewives series, to Jon and Kate plus Hailey Glassman (oh yeah, and their kids). For reality television has really made the world a better place, and has taken many of our brain cells.
Thanks to NASCAR. Okay, cross that one out. My bad. To hybrid vehicles and Smart Cars. Hurrah!
To the King of Pop (for serious). His music and his style will be cherished and remembered. Even if his eccentricities overshadowed much of it.
A special thanks to clowns. You never cease to scare me.
To Norman Lear, Mel Brooks, Monty Python, Steve Martin and Lorne Michaels. Definite heroes of mine.
A big no thank you to the skunk that I ran over last weekend. You smelled for quite awhile.
Also, no thanks to global warming (it does exist, people). Not cute to think it doesn't anymore.
To words that sound funny to me. Like bathrobe. Or hamper.
A great big thanks to friends that have introduced great phrases to me, such as "I'm sorry, but not sorry" and "boom town."
Whoopie cushions. Actually anything that simulates gas without actually being the real thing. Genius.
Thank you to movies like "New Moon" and "2012." Funny for so many of the wrong reasons.
A sort of thank you, but no thank you to those who gave us the first American Thanksgiving. No thanks, European colonization. While looking for wealth and spices, a better passage to the East, the settlers were able to claim peaceful territory (with deceit and terror toward the Native Americans, of course). Being able to destroy culture, to evangelize the non-Christians and to enslave people from other nations.
On a less serious note, thank you to animals wearing hats.
Thank you to hilarious YouTube videos featuring falling people, dancing kids and mad cats.
Thank you to Pee-wee Herman. My humor has been much influenced by him.
To my parents for letting me watch Pee-wee Herman. And MTV. And awesome movies and musicals. Rather than a lot of watered-down Disney shows.
Oh, and for introducing super amazing music to me at a young age. Yeah ... you guys definitely rock.
And finally, to Lisa Frank folders, flowered leggings, Kraft macaroni and cheese, Led Zeppelin, Gilmore Girls, Panera Bread, Trapper Keepers, free trade and organic items, pandas, mullets, Coca-Cola, Jane Austen, piano lessons, "The Jerk," Little Debbie's Oatmeal Creme Pies, Dunkin' Donuts, capture the flag, Bob Dylan, Sweet Valley Twins, "Adventures in Babysitting," Philly cheesesteak sandwiches, "30 Rock," Audrey Hepburn, cream cheese, Skip-Bo, "Legends of Zelda" on Super Nintendo, scooping the loop, being awesome, Scrabble, popcorn ...
